I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
