That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
