I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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