Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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