I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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