Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My balls are so social today.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
