hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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