Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
