Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
