Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
