I bet he comes in French.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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