He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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