so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
