How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
