Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
