He kissed a someone with a penis
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
