peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
