Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
