I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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