Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
