If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
