Apparently you make a good broom.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
