is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
