Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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