i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
