Define "chronic" masturbator.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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