that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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