dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and she was petting her beer can
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
