i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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