all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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