I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
