My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
