Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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