i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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