Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
