toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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