im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
