Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drake has all the answers
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
