well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize