I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
