im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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