Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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