Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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