Dual....:-)
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
