Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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