Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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