Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
