Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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