I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
one might say we're banned from that church
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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