In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
